What Can You Do?
“Death is at work in us but it releases life in you.” 2 Cor. 4:12
In foster care, there are many times when you find that you cannot do things that you want to. Your hands feel tied.
I have been learning to deal with not being able to do what I want to do for the last year and a half as I adjust to the limitations post-concussion syndrome imposes on me. For me, this means wearing earplugs, not being able to be in noisy places for very long, and switching to a smaller church with less "crowd noise." Sometimes I lose access to vocabulary words I need in the middle of a conversation or even names of people I know well when I get overwhelmed by too much background noise. This is humbling. Since I look healthy, it is embarrassing when I cannot express or explain myself.
I set the timer when I write or read and use text-to-speech to type when I can. When my functional neurologist told me last month that I could work on writing for 15 minutes a day, it felt very patronizing. I know he was right because, before that time, the back of my eyes and my head began to hurt. But, I was the kid that pulled all-nighters reading chapter books in 4th grade on a school night with a flashlight under the covers before getting up to go to school. Fortunately, I can listen to audiobooks again as long as it's not too technical, which exhausts my brain and shuts down my whole system. I can't speak coherently or stay awake. Thankfully, my ability to write and read aloud has increased in the last month.
Okay… I can go on for an extended time about all the things I can't do and why, and I'm sure you could do the same. However, I always have to go back to what is true (Philippians 4:8). I can still write. I can still read. I still have the vocabulary and experience, and knowledge to use it. My counselor reminded me that I need to focus on how far I've come and what I can do now that I couldn't do after the accident instead of all I used to be able to do beforehand. This has changed my perspective.
What about you?
You probably could spend a whole conversation over coffee explaining why something in your life isn't fair and how someone else needs to do something or stop doing something so that you can fulfill whatever good you need to do.
There may be something in your life that is keeping you from doing what you want. At times it's easy to focus on all that you can't do compared to before an injury, an illness, a move, or a break in a relationship.
I laughed when a friend shared the prayer below because it's so true!
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know that one is me."
Sometimes the things we can do are so small that we discount them. Ask God for what you can do and thank him. There is something that only you can do because of who you are and where you are in life. This mental shift is empowering.
You aren't helpless or powerless in your given situation.
I had felt lonely and isolated in the absence of a classroom and all the required purpose and mental energy. Going from being a mom of ten kids to having six foster kids move out right before two more went off to college, I feel like an empty nester with only one left at home (our oldest is an adult on her own). However, you don't stop thinking, worrying, and praying for kids just because they are out of the house.
Recently my counselor asked me, "What can you do?"
The next day I went for a walk to ease my hurting head. I missed conversations and people in general but could not spend much time with them because of all my symptoms. Walking down the street, I saw an older woman taking out her trash. I commented on how beautiful the tree was in her yard, and she told me the story of how she got the tree decades ago. The conversation was probably literally only a minute. I know this connection may seem ridiculously small, but it encouraged me, and maybe she was lonely that day, too, as she eagerly talked about her beautiful tree.
On that same walk, an elderly man turned his car in front of me into his driveway. I stopped on the street as he pulled in front of me. We shared a sincere smile as we made eye contact. At that moment, I felt like I wasn't forgotten, as the world, I once knew went on without me. God saw these two strangers and me. And he gave us these moments of connection.
What can you do? Even the seemingly insignificant matters. We are all connected.
What is true in your life?
What do you still have?
What can you do?